Modern Masculinity: How to Achieve the Right Balance?
Diversity, engagement, and the balance of masculine and feminine in business.
Fred is a coaching client of mine. He is a very successful SVP. His issue is that he lacks intimacy and trust in his life “left, right and center…” as he puts it, and he is always obsessed with the next external enemy that he can identify. His favorite expression starts like this: “If only that guy wasn’t there…”
Rebecca is amazingly successful, too. She just received her latest promotion. She is the youngest C-suite member of the company. Yet, she suffers from anxiety and her mood swings are so strong lately that she started to contemplate quitting her job. She feels that she is pushed to perform way beyond her limits and the company culture forces her to be a workaholic. “I feel like my career wants me to 'be a man.' Yes, I have had to become a man. To have a life, I need to be a woman. I gotta quit… get out of here, to be finally me.”
I have heard this so many times, but quitting is often not the solution to this dilemma. You may quit, but it will not solve the challenges of being able to be more you and your next job may present you with similar challenges.
I share with her an interesting 2014 research finding from Hudson which found that women at the top appear to have a male leadership profile with feminine nuances. C-level women tend to score lower on altruism and people centeredness compared to average women. The report describes a double-bind as in the eyes of the average woman, women who are leaders appear to behave more like men because they take the lead and are career and result-oriented. But in the eyes of their male colleagues, they behave like women, paying more attention to intangible, emotional elements, like communication, co-operation, and human well-being.
But what makes women wanting to lead in ways more similar to men in the business world? Rebecca looks me in the eye and asks: “What choice do I have?” As Melinda Gates recently wrote on LinkedIn “We’re sending our daughters into a workplace designed for our dads”.